Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Person

Did any of you watch the Bachelorette season finale?! Yes, I am a fan and a hopeless romantic LOL. I’ve watched the show these last couple of years and after each season I say I’m not going to watch it anymore haha. It really does take me on an emotional roller coaster while watching, but nonetheless I still love it!

So, for any one who missed it Rachel (the Bachelorette) had to choose between two guys, Brian and Peter. Brian was ready to marry Rachel and always confessed his love for her – letting her know he was ready for commitment. Peter on the other hand, was reluctant and said although he had feelings for her, he wasn’t ready to get down on one knee and propose.  The purpose of The Bachelorette/Bachelor is to end in a happy engagement. So all I kept thinking was…Why would Peter come on the show if he didn’t want to propose to Rachel after a couple of months of dating??…..Why waste her and his time? I’m sure Rachel felt the same and ultimately ended up choosing Brian.

I felt really uncomfortable watching the finale, because to me it was clear that Rachel was all in and Peter wasn’t. It was also clear to me that she may not the person for him. I get it…marriage should be taken very serious…but I truly think if Peter really felt Rachel was the woman for him he’d be more eager to propose, without feeling pressured. Peter is what I consider to be emotionally unavailable. He was on the fence about Rachel. He saw a future with her, but wasn’t 100% sure, and he wanted to keep her around until he figured things out. He would send mix-signals saying he wanted commitment, but his actions didn’t show so.

This episode of Bachelorette really reminded me of a relationship I was in. I was always asking for more…”how do you feel about me”…”what do you see for our future”…”what are our next steps” and the answers were always very vague and underwhelming. It was a long distance relationship and I was always uncertain about where time would lead us. Like Rachel, I knew he cared about me but that just wasn’t enough.  At the time I was hoping for more, but looking back I’m so glad we made a decision to go our separate ways. Our emotional connection was lacking. Something was missing. He wasn’t all in, so how could I be? I started to accept that “oh…that’s just how he is. He just isn’t sensitive and romantic”. I was settling and hoping he would change, but thank goodness that all got old and I remembered what I want and deserve!

Emotionally unavailable people create barriers between themselves and others to avoid emotional intimacy and commitment.  You can tell if you’re dating someone who isn’t all the way invested in you when:

– you question how they feel about you
– you question where your relationship is going
– you question their whereabouts, and they’ve given you a reason not to trust them
– you feel like you’re the only one who wants more from the relationship
– they don’t make you feel 100% confident in where you stand
– they don’t make you feel cherished and respected

When someone is serious about you, you will know it. & sometimes it may not be that the person is emotionally unavailable; you may just not be the person for them. Some people can bring things out of you that no one else can.

At the end of the day I think it’s all about understanding what you’re looking for and not settling! Know what you deserve and have faith that your bae is out there…

Any thoughts on this? I’d love to hear below!



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Ashlei Scott is the Creative Director of A Piece of Sunshinee. She hopes to inspire others by writing about her life experiences and everyday challenges...

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